I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
