I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
