Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
