I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
