I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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