My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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