um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize
