after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
