I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
