Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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