i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
