I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
