Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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