Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I look better un-naked...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
