Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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