I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
