in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
