dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
