my phone cant type all the emotion im having
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
