Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
