forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
