And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
