That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
