My room smells like vodka and shame
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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