i don't like sucking hair
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
