I wish I only lived at night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
