so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
