1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
