ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
