I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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