Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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