I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
