My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
