oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
