i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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