the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
