Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
