I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
