so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have fence marks all over my body
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
