My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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