youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
