...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
