You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
