Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
