During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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