don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
