EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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