Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
