How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
