Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
