Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
